Charles Mingus - Stella Osorojosl

The fever (or astrological pull?) of wanting to change my name has passed. My head
feels clearer. The cacophony of questions—Why am I doing this? What do I hope to accomplish? Have I lost my mind? Do I really want to go through all this trouble?—has settled down and, in the clearing, I just step forward. I’m just doing this. I’ll find out why later.

I had all these results I imagined would come from changing my name. Some seeded by the Kabalarians. In the ‘Name Report’ they compiled for ‘Laura Stephanie Chamorro’ it was their contention that my given names were at least partly responsible for the “sudden and extreme losses, both personal and financial” and “severe nervous tension” that I have, indeed, experienced. A name with the magic mixture of consonants and vowels (see “The Numbers Game”) would be ‘more balanced,’ they assured. ‘Stella Osorojos’ would never have a panic attack, I foresaw. ‘Stella Osorojos’ wouldn’t flub an Internet fortune. Furthermore, ‘Stella Osorojos’ would move to Santa Fe. She would open an art gallery. Can’t you see the lower case font on a storefront window? Osorojos… there’s art inside!

Or, I know, ‘Stella Osorojos’ the book! I’ll do this and I’ll start a blog and everybody will read it and then! Then all the years I’ve spent squirreled away, writing and writing, will mean something. A project! An… intriguing project! A life!

But what is that? Or, rather, what is this that I have now? Existing in this hazy neverland between ‘Laura Chamorro’ and ‘Stella Osorojos’? Is this not a life? Moment by moment? Nameless ninety-nine percent of the time, anyway?

Ah, look. The sun has come out.

Should I go down to the courthouse today? Shrug. We’ll see.

Went down to court last Thursday. Aaron took pictures. That's me pointing to my (former) name on the schedule:

Here I am haggling with the secretary about acceptable reasons for changing my name. Apparently "personal preference" isn't good enough. Oh no? How about "art project?" Or "spiritual quest?" How about, "Because I'm a powerful woman and I wanna?" In the end, I put, "got married," and I was tempted to be disappointment with myself for this. But, nah. For one thing, this whole thing did start because of squishy feelings for my husband. And I have become married... to myself. As they say in that book about some snotty girls who went to a college that starts with V, 'Who would thunk it?'